Throughout my life, I’ve experienced many small changes and moments that have drawn me closer and closer to Jesus. I used to think that because I didn’t have a massive defining moment like other people that my story was somehow less valuable, but now I know that’s not true. I love that the Lord has continuously showed up in my life again and again showing his love and favor in my life.  I think it’s a testament to the fact that Jesus relentlessly pursues us and never gives up on us – something I believe people desperately need to know.

I was born into a mixed-belief family.  My mother came from a very religious military family, and my father came from an atheist family. My mother was the first one to tell me about God and Jesus, and as most children would, I believed what she told me.  We went to church every other week or so until I was about eight, when ice hockey started getting competitive. Since we started traveling every weekend for games and tournaments, church took a backseat and we turned into the classic “Christmas and Easter” family. Because faith took a backseat so early on in life, the depth of my faith never grew beyond “I believe in God so I’m a Christian,” until much later in life.

Throughout my youth, I really struggled to fit in. I was terrible in school, I got bullied all the time, and hockey was the only thing that brought me joy.  I didn’t understand why people didn’t like me and it looked like everyone had a best friend and a place to belong except for me, so I tried even harder to fit in. I would do things I didn’t want to do just to try to fit in, I’d give away toys, and buy people lunch and snacks but none of it seemed to work. I spent 1^st-7^th grade being called stupid because I struggled so much in school. It eventually got so bad that a teacher recommended I get tested for cognitive disabilities.  The test revealed that out of one hundred kids my age I scored as the eighth smartest kid.  That only provided temporary internal relief for me until people started calling me lazy instead of stupid. By ninth grade, it felt like people were going out of their way to make me feel like I had no value in the world because what I had to offer either wasn’t good enough, or they didn’t want it. My entire identity and value were reduced to my ability to play hockey because that was the only thing I was good at, so I planned on focusing on that until I turned eighteen, and then I would enlist in the Air Force – a dream I had since I was a little kid. But all of those plans came crashing down the next year.

At the beginning of tenth grade I was diagnosed with a neural-muscular disorder – a non-dystrophic disease that effects the contraction and flection of my muscular system. I would never be able to compete at the highest level of hockey, and I was now medically ineligible for military service. The only thing I had left was taken. I was devastated, and angry, and lost. I remember the doctor saying, “you’re lucky, this diagnosis is the best news you could leave here with.”  I went home and cried, and screamed and yelled at God, “why me?” “Lucky? How is this lucky?”  “Being athletic was the only thing I had left, what am I supposed to do now?” I sent an email to the team informing everyone that I was sorry but I needed to quit and I wished them luck.  The next day I had to go back to Children’s Hospital for a follow up.  I remember sitting in the waiting room, still angry, and my friend on the hockey team called me to see what was going on.  I told him what had happened and his response was, “That’s it? You aren’t allowed to quit because of that.  Your circumstances don’t define you and God will reveal his strength through your weakness.”  I promised him that I wouldn’t quit and that I’d be at the game that night before I hung up. By the time I got off the phone the waiting room was packed with kids of all ages.  Most were really sick, several were in wheelchairs and would never walk again, and some received terminal diagnoses. After looking around the room, I understood what the doctor told me the day before – I was blessed. The first time I ever prayed was in that waiting room and I remember saying, “God, thank you.  I don’t know what the future holds, and I have no idea how I’m going to get through this but I trust that this Is happening for a reason.  Please help me use this to learn and grow.” 

 I walked out of the hospital with a peace I had never experienced before. Later that night I was running late to the game and my friend called me again to make sure I was coming.  He seemed really panicked so I asked him what was going on and he said, “There’s only six of us here, no one else is coming tonight.” I hurried in the locker room and got dressed just in time.  The locker room was absent of any and all energy. As I looked around the room, there was no hope and a lot of fear. One teammate said “I think we should pray before we go out there.  What could it hurt?” everyone agreed so we bowed our heads and prayed. That night we beat the number two team in the league 7-2 and I scored three goals.  This was the first time I ever prayed and the first time I ever truly felt the presence of the Lord. We had no business winning that game and it’s only because of Him that we won. I know it seems silly for the Lord to get involved in youth sports, but I think he knew how much I needed that win that night.  I have prayed every single day since that night.

After high school, I was still really lost and had no idea who I was or what my purpose was. I still really wanted to serve others but I had no idea how.  My parents found out Western Colorado University had its own search and rescue team which was very similar to the work I wanted to do in the military. At this point in my faith, I viewed my relationship with God as strictly transactional because I didn’t know any better. I pleaded with God to get me into Western (which I didn’t deserve), but I got accepted to Western, joined the rescue team and my life drastically changed in many wonderful ways, but my spiritual journey was far from over.  When I went to Western I prayed that the Lord would give me the opportunity to say yes to one thing.  My freshman year I focused on search and rescue and didn’t play hockey because I needed a break. The rescue team was amazing.  I finally felt like I found my family and actually belonged somewhere.  I was asked to help train search and rescue dogs so I took that as my one new thing I could say yes to. My sophomore year I decided to start playing hockey again in addition to search and rescue.  I met two incredible people who helped me with my faith. One was a friend that was also on the search and rescue and hockey team, and the other was a girl that was on the worship team at a church near campus.  Both of them were amazing examples of what it looks like to be a people set apart.  They were so different.  They were kind and loving and accepting. I started going to church and got involved with a small group.  My sophomore year was the first time I experienced Jesus.  I could feel this stirring in my heart every time I went to church.  I always struggled feeling like I was loved and for the first time I could feel Jesus’s love for me. This led to me accepting Jesus into my heart, but I hadn’t given Jesus my life or committed to following him yet. I didn’t know how. At the end of my first semester, the president of the hockey team moved away and someone needed to take over and I was voluntold to do it. I didn’t believe in myself but my two friends encouraged me and they prayed over me and told me that the Lord would equip me with everything I needed to be successful. Taking over as president of the hockey team set me on a path that I never could have imagined. 

I did so well my first semester as president I was appointed Campus Recreation Director on the Student Government Association the following year. In between sophomore and junior year, I had a falling out with one of my church friends, and the other moved away.  I liked the way going to church made me feel, and I knew Jesus was trying to do something in me, but at that time the sense of belonging I was getting by leading search and rescue and hockey was something I had always longed for and I wanted to chase that feeling. Since my two church friends were now gone, I didn’t see the incentive to try to deepen my faith any more or go to church.

As I continued to say yes to opportunities, my identity and understanding of my value continued to get out of control.  Now in my third year, I was the K-9 coordinator on search and rescue, the president of the hockey team, and the campus recreation director on student government. I finally had something to offer that people seemed to want which made me feel important, it made me feel like I belonged somewhere, and above all, it made me feel like I mattered.  All I ever wanted was to feel like I mattered. My involvement in different areas around campus made me well-known and popular, and I participated in a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I still believed, still prayed, and wanted to pursue Jesus, but the sense of belonging and importance I was getting from other people was too strong. My fourth year only got worse. Now I held a wide variety of powerful positions.  I was a Mission Coordinator and K-9 Coordinator for search and rescue; I was the President and Head Coach of the hockey team; and I was elected Student Government President where I sat on Western’s Board of Trustees with some of the states most influential and wealthy people.  I found my passion and purpose during these years, but I let it become my idol. I have a gift for inspiring and empowering others to pursue what sets their soul on fire, and I have a passion for building leaders, but I placed all of my worth and identity in how successful I was. 

I started dating a wonderful girl on the search and rescue team that adored me and was passionate about all of the things I was doing. I was on a rocket to the moon.  I had everything I ever wanted and felt unstoppable.  90% of the people in this 7,000 person town knew who I was, I was an incredibly successful and respected leader, and I had an amazing girlfriend.  I thought I was untouchable.  But what goes up must come down.  At the end of my fourth year I was beat in the presidential election for student government which was devastating.  Later in the summer, two of my players staged somewhat of a coup and started filing complaints against me to the Club Sports Director. They had a sheet with 11 player signatures (half the team) that claimed they wouldn’t play if I coached.  I didn’t understand. I coached the first winning season, and we had a great year. Or so I thought. How could they hate me so much? Since all of my worth was coming from serving others, I became very unhealthy emotionally. I started feeling like people didn’t like me again and that all of my amazing accomplishments in the past didn’t matter.  When you feel like something is slipping away you hold on even tighter.  I just lost hockey and student government, I wasn’t about to lose rescue so I doubled down.

My obsession with belonging to something consumed me and started effecting my relationship.  I started prioritizing rescue over my girlfriend because I thought if I worked hard enough it wouldn’t be taken from me. Our relationship struggled for over a year before it finally ended in a nasty breakup. I felt alone and devastated again. Everything I loved was gone and I felt like I had no value and nothing to offer. I was extremely depressed for months and became very unhealthy. I was angry and just tried to work as much as possible to hide from my problems. After College, I was working a graveyard (overnight) shift as a 911 dispatcher and stumbled upon Red Rocks Church through an old friend’s Facebook page. I started watching Red Rocks Young Adult sermons while I was 911 dispatching through the nights.  I saw that they had the Red Conference coming up (a three day faith conference for people in their 20’s), and it seemed like something that I needed but it was the same days I planned on being on vacation in Zion National Park.  A few days before my trip, there was a massive mudslide in Zion, which blocked the highway in and out of the park forcing me to cancel my trip. So I bought a ticket to Red Conference and drove from Gunnison to Denver for a few days. 

I remember being so nervous driving to Lakewood on the first night that I wanted to Vomit.  I was overwhelmed by all the excitement outside.  People waiving signs, blaring music, and tons of people saying “Hello!”  “Welcome!” We’re so glad you’re here!”  That last one got me. I remember thinking that if these people had any idea how broken and empty I felt inside they wouldn’t be so excited to see me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The first night was amazing, Manny Arango spoke into my soul and I knew I would never be the same after the next few days. I was so overloaded by everything the firsts night I didn’t know what to do. I had never seen people worship like they did that night. Hundreds of people praying out loud sent shivers up my spine. All of this was amazing but I didn’t know anyone so I didn’t know what to do with how I felt.  That night I went home and prayed, thanking God, and asking him to help me meet someone on night two. The second night I sat on the opposite side of the sanctuary and there was an empty chair next to me. A guy named John and a girl named Miranda walked up looking for two seats so I offered to give them mine and go find a single seat so they could sit together, but they refused and we decided to share the two seats between the three of us. Josh Kimes spoke that night and I was in tears by the alter call. John and Miranda encouraged me to go to the front and offered to come with me. I got down on my knees and started crying as they prayed over me and I gave my life to Jesus. I prayed out loud for the first time ever, and I worshiped for the first time ever.  I knew my life would never be the same after that. I remember hearing the Lord say, “your identity is found in the things I say about you, not in what you have to offer the world. You are loved, you are enough, and you are here on purpose, for a purpose.”

After the service, John and Miranda invited me to come to dinner with their life group where they all prayed over me and invited me to sit with them again on the third night. Before the final service on Friday, several people in the life group reached out and texted me saying they were excited to see me again. I had an amazing time the third night and I knew I needed to find a way to be part of Red Rocks.  My life was forever changed.  I laid down all of my anger, and shame, and guilt. I realized that the sense of belonging and love I’d been searching for could only be found in having a relationship with Jesus.  So I started to pursue him every chance I got.  I started reading my bible every morning, and I’d pray multiple times a day.  I walked away from unhealthy friendships and started changing my habits. Since I worked nights and had Tuesday-Thursday off I started driving nearly 400 miles round-trip from Gunnison to Denver so I could go to life group on Tuesdays and Young Adults on Thursdays until I could find a job in Denver. I continued traveling back and forth for ten months before I finally found a job in March of 2020, working for Denver Health as a Paramedic Dispatcher. I moved a week before Red Conference 2020 was canceled and the whole world shut down because of Covid. I continued watching weekend services online and participating in virtual life group for all of 2020 until Red Rocks returned to in person services in January of 2021.

During one of the first services back, one of the Young Adult Pastor’s mentioned that they were in need of youth leaders.  I remember thinking “yeah, that’s not me.” The next week, He advertised for youth leaders again. He said, “There’s a 15-year-old kid out there that needs to hear what you have to say.” Suddenly my entire life flashed before my eyes. I thought about all of the things I went through and how awful it was to go through those things alone. I could feel the Lord saying, “all of those things you went through, all of the battles you fought, you can use them to as the key to someone else’s freedom. You can use them to help a kid just like you.”  So I started serving with Lakewood Youth on Wednesday nights. When I joined, I remember thinking , “I have no idea why I said yes to this,” but God has slowly revealed his heart and provided blessings over the past year and a half that I never could have imagined. 

 The Lord reminded me how much I love to teach and mentor youth and young adults. He reignited a spark within my soul that had been smothered by shame, guilt, and loneliness. I found the best friends I’ve ever had, friends I’ve been longing for for my entire life. I had the honor of being invited to run a breakout session during our summer youth retreat for over 450 kids, where I felt the Lord calling me into ministry just a day later. Since I first felt that Calling, I’ve done my best to abide in His Word and steward the things that have been given to me. 

Since then, I have finished my Master’s Degree in organizational Leadership, Developed this website to help inspire and empower a new generation of leaders, and I have accepted a temporary, nine-month position with Red Rocks Church as the outreach intern.  I don’t know why God has led me down this path, I have no idea what’s in store for me during this internship, and I have no idea why he chose me.  But what I do know is that Leadership is for everyone, We are all here on purpose, for a purpose, and He has called me to build a new generation of leaders who are determined to be the generation known for loving like Jesus, Leading like Jesus, and Serving like Jesus.